Older People Have Sex Too!

When I first started to write this article, I was only going to write about the changes in the body as we age and the sex that comes with it. Due to my research, my article has changed to include much more.
The population of older people in this country is on the rise. When I say older, I’m talking those 45 and older. Us older generation are still sexually active and have different needs than the younger generation. If you fall into that 45+ crowd, you know what I’m talking about. It’s more than the worry of pregnancy. It’s the physical changes in our bodies.
At this age, we, as women, realize that we are beginning to have wrinkles. Our skin loses its elasticity and firmness. It’s a prominate fact. Commercials on TV show us what products are best to use to help firm our face, our neck and our body. Promotions are abundant in skin care and hair care. But these commercials don’t tell us the other changes that are going on in our bodies.

At this age, we are on the verge (if not already there) of menopause. We stop ovulating, having our periods, and the extra flow of estrogen in our bodies. Commercials don’t talk about what else is going on with us. We begin to question why we don’t enjoy sex as often, why it’s more difficult to have sex and even to orgasm. We lose touch with our bodies because we don’t like or even fully understand what is going on inside of us. Our mothers had ‘the talk’ when we began to have our periods or even earlier than that, but the talk of what happens to us when all that stops was never there. We don’t have someone who is willing to help us understand what is going on now. And there is SO MUCH going on!

Our sex drive doesn’t really dwindle, it changes. And change is good! The biggest change in our bodies is with our vagina. It becomes shorter and more narrow. In addition, without regular supplies of estrogen, the walls of the vagina can become thin and stiff. This leads to vaginal dryness. Many older women also report slower response to mental or physical sexual stimulation; a longer time to become sufficiently aroused; or, in severe cases, a total lack of interest in or revulsion to sex. Decreased interest in sex may be temporary or long term, but surgical removal of the ovaries (due to cancer, endometriosis, uterine prolapse, or other reasons) can cause these changes to be sudden and sometimes devastating. Numerous drugs, especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), are known to cause reduced sexual interest. On top of this, the lower systemic availability of testosterone, the key promoter of desire in both women and men, can cause less interest in sex.
The good news is that researchers say there are no differences between premenopausal and postmenopausal women when it comes to being physically able to get sexually aroused. When researchers have looked at vaginal congestion — increased blood circulation to the walls of the vagina, which is a marker of sexual arousal — in response to erotic stimulation, they have found that older women are just as able to become aroused when they are sexually stimulated as are younger women are.

There are studies that show that for postmenopausal women, that is, women after they’ve stopped having their periods, if they don’t have a regular partner with whom they have regular sex with orgasm, that masturbation to orgasm – listen to this – will promote the health of the urinary tract and their genital tract and it will keep them sexually able to be responsive and healthy so in case they get a new partner they will be able to have good healthy enjoyable sex. How do you like that? So it will keep them sexually able and ready for the next partner to come along. And if you think that older people don’t fall in love, take my word for it, By the way, as a last comment here, this is true for men too, so if you are a man, and you don’t have a partner, and you’re getting older, it is important to keep your sex organs healthy and working and your orgasms coming and coming so that should you find a new partner it will work for you when that person comes. Because it’s actually true that if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.http://loveandhealth.worldgroups.com/Article.cfm?Article=137&SubTopic=18&Topic=2

Practicing masturbation techniques can help remedy some of these problems by stimulating the brain to produce physical changes in the vagina. "Masturbation, which may include stimulation of the clitoris, urethra, and vagina, activates various neural pathways responsible for clitoral swelling, vaginal congestion, lengthening of the vagina, and lubrication," says Cathy K. Naughton, MD, director of the Metropolitan Urological Specialists' Center for Sexual Health in St. Louis. Many women and sex therapists report the reality of the use-it-or-lose-it factor: regular sex, either with a partner, through masturbation, or a combination of the two, definitely helps keep vaginal tissues more supple and moist. Extended sex play before insertion is always helpful even if discomfort isn’t severe. Liberal use of a water soluble lubricant is often enough to make intercourse more comfortable. Having intercourse after a long time without it can be painful or impossible, but don’t give up. You may need to work up to it.
Masturbation isn’t just a crutch to use in place of partner sex. It is a self-affirming sexual activity and is eminently useful in helping to discover different routes to sexual pleasure. In national studies, up to 40 percent of women report that they masturbate on a regular basis, but this incidence may be lower for older women. Many older women may remember being discouraged (or even punished) for masturbating as children, and may still be reluctant to engage in this pleasurable sexual activity. Brown Bag Party carries a large selection of aids for first timers and for those who are ‘pros’.

Masturbation has several healthy benefits for the body. Here is a listing of some:
Health Benefits for Females
    *Provides a healthy sexual outlet for people who choose to abstain from sex with partners or who do not currently have available sexual partners
    *Increases blood flow to the genital region, which can help overall sexual functioning
    *It can help teach you how to achieve orgasm
    *Building resistance to yeast infections - While it’s general knowledge that regular masturbation can reduce the risk of prostate cancer in men, studies are showing that female masturbation can also provide protection against cervical infections because when women masturbate, the orgasm “tents” or opens the cervix.
    *Helps with urinary tract infections - Masturbating helps relieve pain and it flushes the old bacteria from the cervix. It’s the body’s way of getting the
    *Improved cardiovascular health and lower risk of type-2 diabetes. In a number of studies, women who experienced more orgasms, and overall greater frequency and satisfaction with sex — whether with a partner or not — were shown to have greater resistance to coronary heart disease (CHD) and type-2 diabetes
    *Can help work against insomnia naturally - Hormonal and tension release. Many women masturbate as a means to wind down after a hectic day or to fall asleep at night, but they often don’t know that there’s a hormonal reason why it works. Dopamine, or the “feel-good” hormone, is on the rise during the anticipation of a sexual climax. After the climax, the calming hormones oxytocin and endorphins are released, making us feel the warm afterglow that helps us sleep.
    *Orgasm increases pelvic floor strength - There are so many benefits to having a healthy pelvic floor. In the “plateau” stage of orgasm, the pelvic floor gets a real workout. The clitoris surges with increased blood pressure. Muscle tone, heart rate, and respirations increase. The uterus “lifts” off the pelvic floor, increasing pelvic muscle tension. This strengthens the entire region, as well as your sexual satisfaction.
    *Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.
    *Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.
    *Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.
    *Improves our mood - Masturbation helps relieve depressive emotions. As we become aroused, the hormone levels of dopamine and epinephrine soar in our bodies. Both of these hormones are mood-boosters.
    *Relieves stress - In her book For Yourself, noted sex therapist Lonnie Barbach explains that the stress resulting from avoiding sex can create body imbalances. She writes that masturbation can help relieve emotional stress by taking time for ourselves, amidst the demands of home, family, and work.
    *Strengthens our relationship with ourselves - When we know, love, and nurture ourselves on emotional and physical levels, we gain confidence and grow through self-awareness. Being able to recognize, articulate, and experience what brings pleasure is a powerful step toward fulfillment.
    *Strengthens sexual relationship with partner - Many couples have different sexual drives and needs. Masturbation is one way to meet personal needs not met by a partner. It can be shared with a partner. Witnessing a partner masturbate can teach us what methods our partners use so we can learn what they enjoy. It can also open the lines of communication between partners who otherwise might be assuming that the “routine” is still working.
    *Regular sexual activity boosts the production of the vital hormones estrogen and testosterone that strengthen bones and muscles

Middle-aged and older adults no longer accept such myths as "Sex is only for young people" and "Sex isn't important to older adults." A study, "Sexuality at Midlife and Beyond," conducted by AARP, illustrates this. According to AARP, 85% of men and women age 60+ report having at least one sexual experience (with another person) per week.
These are some of the findings:
*Five out of six of the respondents disagreed with the statement that "Sex is only for younger people."
*Six out of 10 people stated that sexual activity was a crucial part of a good relationship.
*Only 10% of adults reported that they don't particularly enjoy sex, and just 12% agreed that they would be quite happy never having sex again.
So, where does that leave us? Well, sexual activity is like riding a bike. You never forget how to do it, but if you don’t continue to be active in it, you’re rusty. As stated above, the use it or lose it phrase is true. The more you ‘flex’ those muscles, the stronger they get. If you continue to work out any other portion of your body, it gets stronger and healthier. The same is true with your pelvic muscles. If you don’t use them for a long period of time, they get lazy and don’t function as they are suppose to. You can now see why I changed the article to include masturbation. It not only FEELS good, but is healthy for the female body. And we all want to be healthy, right?? Masturbation is classified as to stimulate yourself in a sexual way. This can be done by hand, or with sex aids. Brown Bag Party carries a wide collection of adult aids for both men and women, not to mention lubes that are also needed. Our collection has everything for first timers to ‘pros’. And always remember, you can shop in the comfort of your own home. www.lavishdelight.com
In closing this article, please remember, if you have any questions feel free to drop me a line. lavishdelight@yahoo.com.

Sites used and credited:



http://www.womentowomen.com/sexualityandfertility/healthbenefitsofmasturbation.aspx


http://www.mckinley.illinois.edu/handouts/masturbation.html


http://www.lovelifeplus.com.au/Sex_and_Loving/masturbation_for_women.htm


http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/female-masturbation-health-benefits.aspx


http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/sex-and-aging/attitudes-about-sexuality-and-aging.aspx


http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/sex-and-aging/simple-steps-for-sexual-satisfaction.aspx


http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/regain-sex-drive.aspx

Summertime 2010

Wow, summer is almost upon us already! The sky is blue, the grass is greening up and all the new little plants are poking their heads out of the ground! I’m so glad the snow is finally gone. This winter seemed to take forever, even though it was rather mild. I just hate winter months! Makes me depressed for no reason.
With the warmer weather comes a whole new slew of things that need to be done. We finally got our house re-sided and re-roofed. New bow window in the living room too! What a nice addition! Makes me feel like I really like my house again. At this time, I need to repaint both the living room and the dining room, but am still up in the air as to what colors I want to paint. Something in the green tones to keep it all tying together. Wanted something different, but hubby tells me we look mis-matched that way. Oh, well.
Baseball has started again. The youngest is now in Babe Ruth Prep and it looks to be an interesting year. He is back in Eau Claire and on a whole different team, which is good for him. Some of these boys have played together before, but JR has never played ball with them, only against them. He says he finally feels ‘home’ with this team. “It’s finally like where I belong”. I smiled hearing that! I love it when he’s feeling great! It should be interesting with the other parents. There use to be some bad blood there, but this year could be different. Frankly, I could care less, but it’s important to the boy that things run smoothly. He’s at that age where he gets a bit emotional over issues so keeping peace will be good.
Business is going GREAT! I know I’ve been posting some great stuff on here and I hope that you’ve all had a chance to read it. If you follow my blog on Facebook, make sure you click the link to become a follower. You never know what I’m going to post, so you don’t want to miss out. If you haven’t yet, be sure to read the post on Lubes. It’s loaded with tons of information and links to follow up on the research that I’ve done. Personally, I feel it’s very important to all women. I’ve been researching some new things and will get that post up soon, when I have all ducks in a row. You don’t want to miss this one coming up! It deals with sex and aging. Sound interesting? Well, I can assure you it is! This one has taken more research for me. As a woman wiho is almost 43, this is an important topic to me. I hope it is for you too! I’m hoping to have it posted by the end of this week. Look for it! And, as I mentioned, if you follow my blogs only via Facebook, you really need to become a follower here. It’s the fasted way to keep up to date on it.
Until, remember, if you have any questions, you can shoot me an email.

lavishdelight@yahoo.com

Is your relationship in a rut?

Spicing up your relationship


Is your relationship stagnant? Do you need a bit more spice to make it better? When a relationship hits a certain time period, things start to slow down. That honeymoon period is over and your left wondering what happened to the fire that brought you together in the first place. This is common, but doesn’t have to affect your love life. There are lots of things you can do that will heat up the bedroom and more!

The first thing you want to do is evaluate what it was that turned you on then, but doesn’t work now. Maybe the ‘make out’ sessions have gotten shorter, or that quirk your partner has that use to be the biggest turn on is not really a turn on. Make a list of what used to be and what you are looking for now. Maybe it’s a bit more adventure, a little more naughtiness that you need. There’s no need to be shy when you make this list. You’re the only one who’s going to read it. Be honest with yourself. What is it that you need or what is it you see lacking? Maybe you’ve gotten lazy with making the first move. Maybe you’ve gotten use to just taking all given and not reciprocating in return. Once you have this list made, go back over it. If there is any recurring theme in the list, think how to change it. Your sexual relationship is part of a bigger picture, your whole relationship. Are you willing to make changes? Is your partner? Are you willing to talk about it without it becoming an argument?

Sometimes starting back at the beginning will make things seem hotter again. Maybe you spent more time on your appearance, were more tuned in when your partner and you were talking. Maybe it’s simply you were willing to make the effort then because you wanted this person. If you can step back in time, to that first time, what was it that made you feel as if you were seeing fireworks? Try to recapture that feeling again.

At some point in a relationship, all couples look for a bit more, a bit more naughtiness. It could be as simple as ‘dressing up’. Use a costume or a piece of sexy lingerie to help ignite the spark. It could be a new position, or a new ‘place’ to play. If you only have sex in your bedroom, try adding in the bathroom. Take the initiative to approach your partner in the shower. A little rubbing action with your body is bound to make the shower hotter than what the water is! You might even hear a sizzle in there too! Add some adventure to the mix.

Look into edibles. These are the least intimidating items you can incorporate in to your lovemaking sessions. Edibles come in a big array, from powders to lubes, to enhancers. If you’re looking for your partner to concentrate on a certain area more than they normally would, add an edible to it. It will likely keep them in that sensitive area longer, and get you primed faster than without it. You can use edibles with a sensory aid, like a powder brush or feather. Never underestimate the power of touch. It’s what we all crave. It’s called foreplay. The more foreplay added to your lovemaking, the better it is for both of you. Just remember to give as good as you get!
Create a ‘date’ box. Each of you write down fantasies you have. Mild or wild, it’s all good! Each time you think you’re lacking agree to pull a slip from the box and live your fantasy. Don’t feel guilty over what your fantasies are. That’s why they are fantasies. But remember, it’s still ok to say no. So if your partner has written down “I want to screw you in front of a huge crowd with everyone watching” and you’re not comfortable with that (and honestly, I don’t know many who would be) compromise. Have your fantasy session in front of an open window, or in a public bathroom. Compromise is the key here.
Talk dirty! Every guy and gal loves it when their partner takes the lead and talks dirty to them. It can be using the word ‘fuck’ more than before or having the partner tell you what he/she is going to do before they do it. The anticipation is what a lot of people find most exciting! Knowing what’s going to happen before it does and waiting for it. Share your fantasies with your partner, even if they are far-fetched! Just giving voice to some of them is putting them into reality. Communication is key. Words like harder, faster, oh god yes, can spur your partner into more action. Your love life is not the place to be quiet. If your partner doesn’t know what you like, how is he/she going to do it?
If you haven’t yet, buy a new adult toy to use in your sessions. It can be something as simple as a bullet or as wild as a huge dildo. Just having it available during your session increases your anticipation of using it. Again, it’s key to talk to your partner on what’s ok and what isn’t. You don’t want to pull out a butt plug and hand cuffs and cuff your partner up to the bedpost and then use the plug unless you’re sure they are into that. I always say, start small and work up to that. Read up on what toys are good for what, or better yet, contact your local romance party rep and talk to them. They are more informative on touch and toys than your local store is. Besides, would you want to talk to a perfect stranger about a toy? Here would be the conversation:

“Uhm, yeah, so this double vibrator, the one with the rabbit on it, yeah, that one…Is it going to be what I want to get him turned on?”

You would get the ‘look’ from the clerk and they would hand you a line. With your consultant, he/she will know what your talking about and give you pointers of how to use it with your partner. New to toys? Your consultant can help you find a toy that will work for what you’re looking for. And the nice thing of talking with your consultant is it’s all private. You don’t have anyone else standing in line listening to your conversation and smirking at you! Believe me, being a romance consultant, I’ve heard it all!
With these little tips and tricks, you can turn your stale love life into that steamy sex that you used to have and still crave. You can always email me directly with any questions, lavishdelight@yahoo.com.