Is your relationship in a rut?

Spicing up your relationship


Is your relationship stagnant? Do you need a bit more spice to make it better? When a relationship hits a certain time period, things start to slow down. That honeymoon period is over and your left wondering what happened to the fire that brought you together in the first place. This is common, but doesn’t have to affect your love life. There are lots of things you can do that will heat up the bedroom and more!

The first thing you want to do is evaluate what it was that turned you on then, but doesn’t work now. Maybe the ‘make out’ sessions have gotten shorter, or that quirk your partner has that use to be the biggest turn on is not really a turn on. Make a list of what used to be and what you are looking for now. Maybe it’s a bit more adventure, a little more naughtiness that you need. There’s no need to be shy when you make this list. You’re the only one who’s going to read it. Be honest with yourself. What is it that you need or what is it you see lacking? Maybe you’ve gotten lazy with making the first move. Maybe you’ve gotten use to just taking all given and not reciprocating in return. Once you have this list made, go back over it. If there is any recurring theme in the list, think how to change it. Your sexual relationship is part of a bigger picture, your whole relationship. Are you willing to make changes? Is your partner? Are you willing to talk about it without it becoming an argument?

Sometimes starting back at the beginning will make things seem hotter again. Maybe you spent more time on your appearance, were more tuned in when your partner and you were talking. Maybe it’s simply you were willing to make the effort then because you wanted this person. If you can step back in time, to that first time, what was it that made you feel as if you were seeing fireworks? Try to recapture that feeling again.

At some point in a relationship, all couples look for a bit more, a bit more naughtiness. It could be as simple as ‘dressing up’. Use a costume or a piece of sexy lingerie to help ignite the spark. It could be a new position, or a new ‘place’ to play. If you only have sex in your bedroom, try adding in the bathroom. Take the initiative to approach your partner in the shower. A little rubbing action with your body is bound to make the shower hotter than what the water is! You might even hear a sizzle in there too! Add some adventure to the mix.

Look into edibles. These are the least intimidating items you can incorporate in to your lovemaking sessions. Edibles come in a big array, from powders to lubes, to enhancers. If you’re looking for your partner to concentrate on a certain area more than they normally would, add an edible to it. It will likely keep them in that sensitive area longer, and get you primed faster than without it. You can use edibles with a sensory aid, like a powder brush or feather. Never underestimate the power of touch. It’s what we all crave. It’s called foreplay. The more foreplay added to your lovemaking, the better it is for both of you. Just remember to give as good as you get!
Create a ‘date’ box. Each of you write down fantasies you have. Mild or wild, it’s all good! Each time you think you’re lacking agree to pull a slip from the box and live your fantasy. Don’t feel guilty over what your fantasies are. That’s why they are fantasies. But remember, it’s still ok to say no. So if your partner has written down “I want to screw you in front of a huge crowd with everyone watching” and you’re not comfortable with that (and honestly, I don’t know many who would be) compromise. Have your fantasy session in front of an open window, or in a public bathroom. Compromise is the key here.
Talk dirty! Every guy and gal loves it when their partner takes the lead and talks dirty to them. It can be using the word ‘fuck’ more than before or having the partner tell you what he/she is going to do before they do it. The anticipation is what a lot of people find most exciting! Knowing what’s going to happen before it does and waiting for it. Share your fantasies with your partner, even if they are far-fetched! Just giving voice to some of them is putting them into reality. Communication is key. Words like harder, faster, oh god yes, can spur your partner into more action. Your love life is not the place to be quiet. If your partner doesn’t know what you like, how is he/she going to do it?
If you haven’t yet, buy a new adult toy to use in your sessions. It can be something as simple as a bullet or as wild as a huge dildo. Just having it available during your session increases your anticipation of using it. Again, it’s key to talk to your partner on what’s ok and what isn’t. You don’t want to pull out a butt plug and hand cuffs and cuff your partner up to the bedpost and then use the plug unless you’re sure they are into that. I always say, start small and work up to that. Read up on what toys are good for what, or better yet, contact your local romance party rep and talk to them. They are more informative on touch and toys than your local store is. Besides, would you want to talk to a perfect stranger about a toy? Here would be the conversation:

“Uhm, yeah, so this double vibrator, the one with the rabbit on it, yeah, that one…Is it going to be what I want to get him turned on?”

You would get the ‘look’ from the clerk and they would hand you a line. With your consultant, he/she will know what your talking about and give you pointers of how to use it with your partner. New to toys? Your consultant can help you find a toy that will work for what you’re looking for. And the nice thing of talking with your consultant is it’s all private. You don’t have anyone else standing in line listening to your conversation and smirking at you! Believe me, being a romance consultant, I’ve heard it all!
With these little tips and tricks, you can turn your stale love life into that steamy sex that you used to have and still crave. You can always email me directly with any questions, lavishdelight@yahoo.com.